Monthly Musings
I'm a bit overdue for this update but better late than never! Just a note that I will also post this to my Patreon (available to all) and throw out a reminder on the gram.
Speaking of which, what's up with Instagram lately?? It feels as if I am throwing my posts into a sinkhole. I have been using that godforsaken app for over 10 years now and it's so incredibly frustrating as a creator to see it go through change after change, with each new update making it progressively more challenging to connect with existing followers (let alone new people). I'm not alone in this, I am constantly seeing artists I have followed for years leaving the platform or cutting down on the amount they utilize it because the energy it takes to show up on the feed is no longer worth it or outright impossible to achieve. Interactions and engagements dwindle and feeds are filled with reels and recommended posts rather than posts from the people you actually follow. It's really disheartening. I have no plans as of now to leave the platform, but I will most likely begin putting more energy into posting regularly in other spaces. As always, I'll let you all know where you can find me!
August was a tough month for me as an artist. My Etsy shop was temporarily closed, and I wanted to briefly discuss the status of that. To make a long story short, I was drowning financially. Things are slowly getting better now that I am bringing in stable income from a part-time day job, and if you'll forgive my Mean Girls reference, I am in the process of "sucking out the poison". I had orders that were paid, and under normal circumstances, that money goes straight to production/shipping before any of it is touched. At the same time, I had bills that were due like yesterday. And they weren't the kind of bills you can put off. They were the if-you-don't-pay-this-we-will-take-your-organs-and-ruin-your-credit-forever kind of bills. And of course each time I would get ahead, it would only be a fraction of what I actually needed to stabilize things. I had to make one of those catch-22 decisions to use the money now and hope that I am able to get a job before too much time passes and the orders are late. And I was applying to jobs as if my life depended on it, because well, it did. Things unravel so quickly, and it takes a lot of time and energy to sort through the tangles and begin stitching it all back together.
To clarify, my intention is not to misplace blame here. It is my responsibility to take care of this and to ensure that people who have put their money into my business get their items. It's devastating to me that I was in a situation where I could not fulfill the most basic promise of my business. It's truly one of the most awful feelings, and I'm struggling a lot with the weight of disappointment, failure, and regret. Because these are the most immediate feelings, and they are so heavy that they can cloud your ability to see the bigger picture. How do you admit to a stranger that you failed? How do you set things right? If I don't have the money now to fix things, how can I make this better? There's not a clear-cut answer to these questions. If I've learned anything, it's that you simply must "do the hard thing" and go from there. Rip off the bandaid and begin the process of setting things right.
And you know what? When I sent out messages to buyers with overdue orders I feared the worst. In my mind, it was like, "I look like the biggest phony ever and this person is going to be so fed up with me, especially after they realize their item isn't coming anytime soon". The responses I received were the exact opposite. People showed me kindness and understanding. Complete strangers. And you know what? This is exactly why I do what I do. And I really needed that reminder that people are generally good and have a large capacity for compassion and understanding.
So yeah, I'm working on setting things right. The shop is still on a brief hiatus, but I am just so thankful to be in a position where I am able to make progress and get things up and running again! I think it's just as important to discuss hardships as it is to highlight accomplishments. I think it helps to know other people are struggling too and that you're not alone. So here's a reminder that at some point (and probably at many points) you're going to mess up and it can feel like you will never recover from that. But you'll figure it out, just like you figured it out a hundred times before when you found yourself in a pickle. Try not to waste too much time suffering alone, because people will be there to support you when you are ready to take that leap and reach out.
I've decided I wanted to start creating monthly entries which you'll find here on my website as well as my new Patreon! This will be a space where I discuss updates and new changes, share inspiration, and generally just ramble in a semi-constructive way about life as an artist. I'm sure as time passes these will become more refined, but for now, I extend HUGE thanks to those of you who show up with love and support regardless of what stage of the process I'm in!
If you are a new visitor, first off, thanks for taking the time to navigate far enough through my website (and through this paragraph) to learn more! Feel free to drop me a line and introduce yourself (you can even use a cool code name and I won't mind). I'd love to hear about what brought you to visit my art space! Have any thoughts, ideas, or feedback? Share away!
So what have I been up to? Well, the short story is that the struggle is real, let me tell ya. June was a rough month, guys. On so many levels! Not just for me personally (but yes for me personally), but for millions of people struggling to get by as prices rise and a liveable wage feels unattainable. Oh yeah, and also a group of like 9 people got together and decided to take some pretty important rights out of the hands of uterus-havers and instead left it up to slightly larger groups (mostly old men) to determine whether or not I might die from a pregnancy complication. It's all pretty scary and disheartening. Now you may wonder why these topics are surfacing here when this is supposed to be about my art, right? Well, the truth of the matter is, I'm bound to this society whether I like it or not. If it was possible to pack away things that conflicted with my ability to live my best life, art away to my little heart's content, and spread joy and beauty to others with every creation - I would definitely take that option! I think we all probably would. Keeping the chaos of the outside world at a healthy distance is always difficult. That in itself can feel draining, especially for those of us who are deeply sensitive.
All artists vary in their level of emotional attachment to the process of creation. For me, creating is often a deeply emotional experience in one way or another. While it has gotten easier over the years to cultivate a sustainable level of attachment to individual projects, it's still a process that comes from a place of deep passion for me. I am a longtime sufferer of anxiety and struggle with ADHD. Creating certainly doesn't make these things go away, but at the best moments, it allows me to enter a space where cluttered thoughts fade into the background. On the flip side, being emotionally connected to the process is not always ideal. It's not always apparent that a mistake is a happy accident when you're in the middle of the process. Sometimes it's just frustrating and it's time to take a step back. Sometimes your brain needs a little time to wander before diving back in. Sometimes the noise of the world and the weight of responsibility get heavy, and the space for creativity grows smaller for a time.
So I've been navigating that quite a bit this past month. Not to fear, though! I'm still finding time to make art and I'm so excited to share some storybook illustrations with you all as I finish up on a long-term children's book project! I'm also brainstorming ideas for new designs that will find their way to my Etsy shop soon. If June was a tough month for you too, just know that you're not alone. If you need to take some time to take care of yourself and step away from some responsibilities for a time, that's okay! They'll still be waiting for you when you're ready to return.